The August Wedding Observer

Hello all, this is Bilunabirotunda. Our lovely Beth has asked me to share the two weekends (back to back!) I spent at weddings.

Executive summary: I am now jaded on normal weddings. Despite being a classicist at heart, I hope Beth and Mr. T will go all out in being themselves, having fun, and helping us have fun!

These two August weddings were nice, but kind of dull. Very similar format: Ceremony at one location, then traipse over to another location, wait around for food and/or bridal party to show up, make conversation with strangers, eat, wait, wait, wait, dance. Cake. Home.

Ceremony 1 was at Preservation Park in Oakland - non-denominational. Ceremony 2 was at Founder's Chapel at the University of San Diego, and was a full Catholic nuptial mass! My first for that.


I don't have any pics of bride 1's dress, but it was the usual white strapless affair, corset lacing - however, with a dark purple insert in the back from top to bottom, long train, and silver embroidery edging around bodice and insert. The bridesmaids wore dark purple and the groomsmen wore red. Bride 2's dress was also white and strapless, but straight, and with a layered skirt. She had a silver belt and her bridesmaids wore purple too. (She told me later, though, that her dress had been accidentally bustled the whole time!) Groomsmen had gray suits and lavender shirts, purple ties. Is this the in color scheme? I liked both dresses - not a big strapless fan, but both brides are thin and have nice figures so it worked for them. Similar veils. Both weddings also had flower girls who just walked up the aisle and ring bearers with the traditional sulky look.


Reception 1 was at the California Ballroom in downtown Oakland, and reception 2 was at the Catamaran Hotel in San Diego. It was at this point that I really appreciated the organizational skills of team 2 - at reception 1, no one, including my friend the groomsman, knew what was going on, where people should be, or when food/bridal party would show up. At reception 2 it was clearly stated in the lobby that we'd have cocktails on the beach for a certain time, then dinner in the ballroom. Cocktails on the beach was undeniably lovely - so we passed the time not unwell. I think the alcohol was free all around, but I liked the champagne/chambord cocktail the waiters brought round, so never checked it out. Also, as part of the package, exotic bird handlers walked around showing off parrots.


And there were baby hula dancers off to the side (not part of the wedding).

Reception 2 scored for flowers, dinner service, and room to sit, but the actual food was better at reception 1 - three or four buffet stations with different things, though you had to stand in line, and there was some disgruntlement. At reception 2, everyone got chicken except my vegetarian husband, who scored pesto pasta. As on an airline flight, the vegetarians do better in the mass meal production line.


The usual toasts, etc, and formulaic dances. Couple 1 do Dickens Fair a lot, so I liked the guy who said, "and may nothing Dickens wrote about ever happen to you!" Couple 1 scored for dancing - they and most of their friends are rabid Victorian ballroom dancers. Couple 1 also had a live band the whole time. And one of their friends had commissioned an original waltz especially for their wedding, which the band played! The dancing was beautiful to watch if intimidating to join. (The Vegetarian Husband does not like dancing and I was in a bad mood caused by a delayed dinner.) Couple 2 just had a DJ, and run of the mill wedding music. Fun for the young people if dull for the older ones. Wedding 2 also had higher heels because it was farther south in CA.


I liked both cakes. Cake 1 had cool molded chocolate leaves with real red currants as accents, and cake 2 was decorated only with real orchids. Classy.



Both weddings had sweet moments and periods of boredom. I guess it's hard for a wedding to be all things to all people. ;-) Couple 2 were so tremendously happy! I liked that. But my favorite moment was at reception 1: the four young flower girls were dancing by themselves, and the flautist played Pop Goes the Weasel for them to dance to. Kind of summed it all up. Get married and have a party. The rest is just showing off, and though I hope Beth will top the lists, as long as they're happy and I don't have to sit around waiting too long, this wedding guest will be just fine.

Trash the Dress(es)

I found these courtesy of Rock and Roll Bride and then followed the link to the photographer's site. Sigh. How much do I LOVE this first image??


First: Green man tattoo. Second: Snake in hair!! Just awesome.

What's even more awesome is that they were shot in a graveyard and both the bride and groom are sporting white wedding dresses and Chuck Taylors. Ha!




Their real wedding was also held in a cemetery, and the bride wore black for the ceremony. These are my peeps.

You can view more photos of both the wedding and the TTD shoot by clicking on the embedded links above.

David's Bridal Update

I keep forgetting to mention this, but David's Bridal has called me EVERY DAY since my appointment there. Today they called twice. At first I wasn't sure who it was because the phone number had some funky area code, but I was playing with my phone at 10 pm one night and decided to call the number back, and sure enough, it's the David's Bridal call distribution center. They never leave a message.

Everyone tells me that I should just answer and tell them to stop harassing me, but I'm kinda fascinated. How long can they keep this up? Are they that desperate? It's been over two weeks!

DB Update

I called David's Bridal and the person on the phone was very nice and sounded like an intelligent human being, so that was a relief. I made an appt. for Monday, 1/19! The MOH is coming with me and has promised to try on hideous bridesmaid dresses if it makes me feel any better. Apparently the sales associate will also be assisting another bride at that time, which I think is kinda perfect...less attention focused on me so that I'm not outed as a DB imposter.

Still, I suppose I should bring in photos of dresses I've been looking at, to appear to be a properly prepared bride. I wonder if we can get away with taking photos? Some places won't let you, but maybe if the associate is distracted we can sneak them.

And the dress process begins! I suppose my next call should be to the seamstress to set up a consult.

More dresses

More dresses found in online wanderings. The red below is courtesy of the lovely Bekabee:


I adore the red color and of course I love the Halloween-appropriate graveyard photoshoot. But, I find it odd that the lacings are on the front of the corset. I just love the look of the lacings up the back. I do like the black touches on the dress, but I think I wouldn't like this skirt on me....too bunchy.




I like that this dress is more streamlined but still has character. However, the view from behind wasn't great. This one also laces up the front.



It looks like this company's corsets lace up the front AND the back? I find that odd. I like the front (except for the peasant blouse under the corset...a little too Renn Faire for me), but the skirt looks bad in the back.


I actually saved these photos because of the tuxedo cat, who reminds me of my own cutie tuxedo kitty. I also like that the cat matches the dress! I like the black buttons up the back of the dress and I like the black birdcage veil too. The gloves are a little 1980s Madonna for my taste.


I sorta like the asymmetrical thing on this dress, and that it's got some character without being too foofy. Still, it's not quite right.


I can't remember why I saved this one, actually! I think it's pretty (for a Cinderella-themed wedding) but the girl literally looks like a beached mermaid--like she would just be flopping that heavy bottom half of the dress around. Maybe this was supposed to be part of my "waify models hunching over in expensive white poofy dresses" collection.


Look at this, a white dress I don't hate! I actually quite like this but I have a feeling it would look crappy on me. It looks nice on the model's flat stomach and slender hips, but I sense that the cut and fabric would be unforgiving on a buxom curvy girl. Ah, well. A girl can look...

Another Hilarious Guest Costume Idea

What if all the women guests came as brides? It would be a sea of ladies in white, with the actual bride in red. I would love to see those wedding photos!

Ah, I crack myself up.

Relax, I am not going to make you wear a white wedding gown to my wedding. It was just a thought.

Forewarned

Someone asked me what I would do if someone came in costume as a bride to our wedding, in the big white dress and veil that I won't be wearing. I thought that would be hilarious, but I also thought, "wow, when the vendors start wanting checks, I can just send them to "the bride"." So, be forewarned. If you come as a bride, you're footing the bill, and dealing with drunk guests, and handling any other irksome details. I'll just be the guest in the fabulous red dress.

Speaking of dresses, I found this one courtesy of Offbeat Bride. To paraphrase the MOH, there's nothing I don't like about this dress. Or this bride!






I can't even tell you how much I covet this dress. It's gorgeous! And she wore a black veil! I also believe the rabbit pictured was their officiant. Love it.

I have been researching the 50's crinoline-enhanced skirt as a perhaps more affordable alternative to the 80-foot train. I found some cute examples on Stephanie James' site (and I love how she did a photo shoot in the Neon Sign Museum!). Picture these skirts in red with a red corset top. I like how this design makes the waist look tiny, plus you still get some leg, which (I hope) negates the wideness of the skirt...I don't want to look like a bell, or like I'm 100 feet wide; I'm hoping more for kitschy and fun, and "wow, you look tiny!":








The following dress would probably not look cute on me at all (too many segments calling attention to all the wrong areas), but I liked it anyway. Doesn't it suck how that happens?


This dress was from a different site (as you can see). Again, I liked the small-waisted effect but no way could I do a halter top (or strapless for that matter)! I also thought the skirt had volume without being too poofy...perhaps a solution for the "too wide" dilemma (although I do want an element of drama, since it's my wedding dress and all!).


And finally, also courtesy of Offbeat Bride, another girl after my own heart. She wore killer heels for the ceremony but changed for dancing. I am totally bringing my red Converse as backup shoes after seeing this adorable photo!

Bucking Tradition

It will be no surprise to you that I'm not going to go for a lot of the wedding day traditions. As I've told Mr. T, this is our day, and it should be about us. He wasn't sure if he wanted a ring or not, but felt that he needed one for the "mandatory" ring exchange on the day. I told him, "If you don't want one, don't get one. This is your wedding." Ultimately he decided he'd get a ring, but an inexpensive one, and he'd only wear it sometimes. (I teased him, "You know, women look at men's hands..." He said dryly, "Believe me, they're not beating down my door now, and I don't have a ring." I told him I didn't believe it.)

Here are the things I'm pretty sure we aren't going to do on the day:

• No white dress for me.
• Probably no veil for me (unless I find a fabulous red lace mantilla veil that I must have).
• No diamond ring for me.
  
• No tux for Mr. T.
• No flowers in the reception hall (I'll post about decor later). I will carry a bouquet though, which brings me to...
• No bouquet toss. It's my bouquet, I want it! Also, why humiliate the women at the reception with this horrible game? "Okay, all the losers...I mean single women...come up here and scrabble desperately...I mean try to catch the bouquet." No thanks. My single ladies are gorgeous and fabulous and I love them. I was thinking of having my bouquet made into a painting, actually. I like the idea of keeping it in our household, but in a nontraditional way.
• No garter toss. I actually found a few cute Halloween garters (below), but again, I think it's really in poor taste to have your groom all up in your business while your friends and family watch. WTF?

• Not getting married in a church. We're happy heathens.
  
• Non-traditional officiant. We don't know who will be our officiant, but they will likely be ordained by the Universal Life Church.
• Photos taken before the ceremony. Actually, we haven't officially decided this yet, but I think it's hard on the guests to be left cooling their heels while you're doing a photo shoot. So I'm going to push for a pre-ceremony shoot. My brother and sister-in-law did this and I thought it was brilliant.

And of course there's the most non-traditional part of all of this, which is that we're having a Halloween costume wedding.

We haven't decided what we're going to do about other traditions, such as the first dance. I suggested to Mr. T that we learn the "Thriller" choreography and do that as our first dance. He laughed and started doing the infamous zombie dance part (you know the one), which made me laugh. See? He makes me laugh.

We will definitely have guest favors, but with our own spin on it.

I do like the "something old, new, borrowed, and blue" tradition, so I think I will keep that one. Apparently the original saying ended, "And a sixpence for your shoe" (for luck), but no way am I putting a coin in my shoe. I would like to incorporate a sixpence another way, if I think of a suitable idea.

As I mentioned earlier, I don't mind doing the "cake cutting" with our cupcakes. There will be NO smashing of cake into the face, however. (Mr. T, are you reading this?)

I like the idea of bride and groom gifts--stealing a sweet moment the day of or night before the ceremony to give each other a thoughtful gift. Speaking of that, some of the brides on the blogs have mentioned stealing a little time alone together directly after the ceremony (like 10 minutes or so) to let the impact of being married sink in, and have some alone time, before joining folks at the reception. I like that too.

I'm excited to create something that reflects us! I hope our guests will enjoy it too.

I'm dreaming...of a red wedding dress

I've never pictured myself in a big poofy white dress at my wedding. In fact, when I was in high school I used to tell my mother I'd get married in ripped jeans and a leather jacket.

However, I've come a long way since then, and I've conceded that perhaps I do want an actual dress. Just not a white one. I think I look okay in white, but I tend to avoid it because I'm clumsy and as soon as I don a white shirt, a food stain appears, as if by magic. Also, aesthetically, white is not that interesting to me.

RED, on the other hand...Red is considered an auspicious color to get married in in many countries, including India and China. Plus, it's so dramatic.

I've been wanting a custom-made corset for oh, 10 years now, so I'm using the wedding as an excuse to get one made. The Offbeat Bride has a great selection of brides in red dresses, some of them corset dresses. I have been salivating. I mean, look at that adorable dress above! With mini top hat! So cute.
And then there's this one:

Wow! I love the photograph AND the dress. Plus, the gorgeous tattooed bride! Sigh. I didn't think I would like the "crumpled piece of paper" look for a skirt, but I think it looks amazing here.

I've been considering sleeves versus no sleeves. I thought about opera-length gloves, but that would make the whole ring exchange deal a little awkward. I could do detachable sleeves or gauntlets, something like this, but less Renaissance Faire:































I'm also undecided about the train. I have been wavering between mermaid/trumpet and a fuller A-line, and I think I'm currently leaning toward a fuller skirt. I like the idea of a train, but they can also be cumbersome. I think this one is detachable, which is a great idea (especially since you wouldn't want to keep getting it caught in a doorway all evening):




























Plus, part of me adores the sheer drama of the train...it sure makes for great photos:































I love the look of this coat, but I definitely would rather spend my money on a corset. But, check out the bride's crazy boots! Wow!:

I think that my dress is going to run me $2-4K, which is not inconsiderable (to put it mildly), but I'm going to have them make the corset and skirt separates, so that I can wear it again. Very practical, right? Plus, it will be custom-made for me! Aside from belly dance costuming, I have never had anything custom-fitted to me. I'm looking forward to it.

I'll leave you with one final photo; this is the same girl as in the post-apocalyptic desert photo above. This one looks like the dress she changed into after the wedding. Such style--I love a girl who likes a theme color. Again, I love the angle and drama of the photo (I want this photographer! I think he's in Arizona, though):