Marriage License: Check!

Mr. T and I went and got our marriage license before work today. It was really easy, and can I say how refreshing it was to be in a government office where things were run efficiently? They really had their act together.

We had to wait about 10 minutes while another couple got their license. We saw yet another couple waiting to be married that morning; the bride was in a cute short white dress with silver shoes, and her bridesmaid (I assume) was in a short purple dress.

Our clerk was pretty funny. I finally had to 'fess up that I was indeed changing my last name to Mr. T's. He was surprised, and I think pleased. The clerk said it was good I'd decided beforehand because she's witnessed a fair number of fights about that subject. I can believe it, but really? People want to get married and don't even think about the name issue until they're at the county clerk's office to get the marriage license? That's so not how I operate.

She got a little squirrelly when I was asking how our officiant should list his title, and I was surprised the Universal Life Church thing isn't old hat by now, but Mr. T pointed out that I never named the church. But I did say that our officiant was ordained over the internet, so how much clearer could I be?

It made me a little concerned, but I have countless friends who've been married this way, so I'm proceeding. We'll figure out the title thing...if nothing else, we can call the county clerk's office and hope we get someone else on the phone.

Having the license really drove it home that yes, we're going to be married in a week. I think it put both of us in a really good mood.

Now off to face my last day at work before the wedding! Oof, so much to do!

To-do list for this week/weekend

1. Meet with officiant re: vows again.
2. Finalize seating chart.
3. Work on signage for bar, cupcake table, buffet table, candy buffet, gift table.
4. Work on escort cards and room map.
5. Buy alcohol.
6. Decide where we're buying pumpkins.
7. Buy parent gifts.
8. Buy candy for candy buffet.
9. Practice corset lacing with MOH.
10. Send out rehearsal dinner invitations.
11. Decorate cupcake tree (this might have to wait until next weekend!).
12. Wash and decorate candy jars.

I'm sure there are about 80 other things I'm forgetting at the moment. Here we go!!

Working on the Ceremony and the Timeline

This weekend we met with our officiant to begin to discuss the ceremony structure. We decided we want him to write everything except for the vows/ring exchange section, which is the most personal part; he says he'll help us if we need it, but he's not comfortable putting words in our mouths! Mr. T and I had a pre-meeting dinner discussion on Saturday to talk over what we wanted to cover, and then we discussed it all over again with our officiant yesterday.

Mr. T's emphasis is that the wedding is mere formality of a bond that already exists, and will continue to. Mine is that a wedding is not two people becoming one blob, but rather two individuals who are working together not only on the relationship, but on their own personal evolution.

We also discussed when we met, how we fell in love, what we admire about each other, and all that good stuff. It was really sweet to hear and to say and Mr. T actually surprised me with some of the things he said that he admired about me. I was so honored. And this is after almost 12 years! It's amazing, when you find the right person, they continue to surprise and delight you year after year. It was also nice, after a weekend of swearing and smearing ink and wasting envelopes, to remember why we're doing all of this.

We decided to include a reading, after declaring earlier we didn't want any. It was just so cute and funny and touching that we couldn't resist it. The BM has graciously said she'll read it during the ceremony for us. Since she's an actress, we thought she'd be just the person to pull it off.

Since our officiant is married to our day-of coordinator, we also met with her yesterday! We worked on a timeline for the day and talked about a lot of the little details. The issue that has me a little stymied is the costume contest, which sounds fun in theory (and we totally want to acknowledge the people who go all-out!) but is difficult in execution--seriously, if everyone wants to enter, this could take hours! So we're still working on that one.

Last night on the way home we were just so drained. For two introverts, talking about yourself all day long is exhausting! Still, I suppose it's good practice for being the center of attention on the day.

145 Days to Go and OMG, We Have So Much To Do

I finally joined The Knot because they had some articles on Halloween weddings I wanted to read. The articles weren't really worth it, it turns out.

I had to put in our wedding date as part of my registration and I got an automatically generated checklist. These are the things we haven't done, and many of them are overdue according to The Knot:

• Make sure to insure your engagement ring. [We do need to do this. We also need renter's insurance. Sigh.]
• Decide on and meet with your officiant to discuss ceremony structure. [We've emailed some stuff, but no real discussions yet.]
• Brides: Start shopping for bridesmaid dresses. [Actually, the MOH and I are going to visit the other bridesmaid in LA this weekend for girl fun and dress shopping! I can't wait, it's going to be such a fun little trip.]
• Register for your wedding gifts, and don't forget to include some choices appropriate for your upcoming bridal shower as well. [GAH. No progress. We decided to register at Bed, Bath, & Beyond, but aside from agreeing that we need new knives, we don't know what to register for.]
• Brides: Decide on the bridesmaid dresses. [See above...maybe we'll get that done this weekend, or maybe the girls will just be left to their own devices. My only stipulation is that the dresses be black, and not too short!]
• Book a baker [done], choose your wedding [cup]cake[s] design[s] [to be done], and send a deposit [done].
• Start planning the rehearsal dinner. [No luck on this front. I've researched a few places, but we've only tried one, with disappointing results. We need to get back on this. I would love a more informal dinner, like Mexican food with margaritas, but there's not much near our wedding venue/hotel. Sigh.]
• Start working on your invitation wording and design. [I am happy to report we started doing this last weekend, even though Mr. T had a cold. That's info for a separate post, though.]
• Finalize your invitation wording. [TBD]
• Finalize menu and service details with caterer. [We still need to pick a vegetarian main dish and a passed appetizer. We're not doing that until October, though, so The Knot will need to scream at us until then.]
• Order your invitations and announcements (don't forget plenty of extra envelopes). [Again, TBD. Invites will take 2-4 weeks to print after a proof is approved, so we're thinking we'll send them to the printer mid-July or so. I'm torn on the envelopes...it's tempting to just have the printer do the return addresses for us, but another part of me would love to do either black envelopes with orange lining or vice-versa. And that means ordering envelopes and doing custom liners. Hm.]
• Start thinking about flower arrangement styles you like, and figure out what flowers will be in season on your wedding day. [Well, I guess I have thought about it. But I'm not entirely sure about the seasonal thing.]
• Decide on a floral scheme, choose flowers. [Not really done. Except I'd like Fall colors, and primarily reds, burgundies, and a bit of orange.]
• Reserve tables, chairs, and/or other rental equipment you'll need (unless caterer or site is taking care of it). [Mostly this is done, but we have some stereo equipment stuff to sort out.]
• Grooms: Start looking to buy or rent tux, suit, or other formal attire. [We did start...we just didn't see much! And other plans have prevented us from going shopping again. Can you hear me hyperventilating yet? This list is a mile long!]
• Book rehearsal-dinner site. [Um, no. See above.]
• Book hotel room for your wedding night. [We haven't done this yet. I think Mr. T would like us to stay at a high-end hotel near our wedding venue, whereas I would just like it to be easy, so I want us to stay at the venue (although The Claremont is sounding mighty tempting). So we're still discussing.]
• Compile packages for out-of-town guests with hotel reservation (done) and city information, and mail them out. [Our "wedsite" gives hotel info, but no city info. I'm undecided about mailing out packets, but I suppose I could put something together...in all my free time.]
• Grooms: Decide on your groomsmen's attire. [I doubt if Mr. T has put much thought into this. He only has one groomsman, so it's a little easier. I think he'd like his brother to wear a suit, but who knows what color suit, or what color shirt, or tie!]
• Book your honeymoon flights (if not using frequent flyer miles) and make all your other travel reservations. [I'm putting this one in Mr. T's lap...the mini-moon, that is. When we take a real honeymoon trip I'll be recovered enough to help plan it. For the mini-moon I'd like relaxation, good food, and a massage or two. And some nice scenery.]
• Brides: Choose your bridesmaids' accessories (shoes, gloves, etc.) and either purchase or pass along purchasing information. [Well, my girls can pick their own shoes, and they don't need gloves!]
• Grooms: Give all of the groomsmen the information they need to buy and/or reserve their attire. [Nothing done here; see above.]
• Pick out or design a ketubah or other marriage contract required by your religion. [We don't have to worry about this one. Check!]

Note that this checklist is not everything we have to do...it's just everything we should be doing during this timeframe...next month, there will be even more items looming over us! It's feeling a little insurmountable at the moment. One thing at a time, right?

Officiant: Check

Mr. T and I have been mulling over who should be our officiant for a few months now. I mean, we've vaguely been thinking about it since we got engaged, but we really seriously began to talk about it in the last couple of months. We knew that, being the heathens we are, we were never going to get married in a church or by a religious official, so it became clear we should draft one of our friends into doing the job (thanks to the wonderful Universal Life Church...hey, I guess we are going to be married by a religious official...the ULC is a church, after all!).

We came up with some basic guidelines for our officiant candidates:

1. Knows and is close to both of us. This seemed important not only because this is a very important day for us, but also so the officiant would feel comfortable talking about us as a couple in front of our assembled friends and family. And, as one of my friends put it, it's nice if the officiant is invested in your success and growth as a couple.
2. Is comfortable speaking in front of a crowd. We didn't want to put someone on the spot...I know what it is to hate public speaking, and it's hard to say no to a friend, so we could potentially have caused someone a lot of anguish if we picked a wallflower.

We eliminated the MOH, although she was who I originally thought would officiate. Mr. T really thought she should be the MOH, though, and after I thought about it some more, I agreed. After that we discussed other friends...Mr. T was wavering between who would stand up with him as a groomsman, thereby possibly eliminating some candidates, but we finally settled on one of our close friends and popped the question to him at brunch on Sunday.

After the waiter took our order I launched into my unprepared speech, starting with, "We wanted to talk to you about something." He immediately said, "Oh my god, this is an Ulterior Brunch!" and we laughed and had to agree. Then I talked about how we loved him, etc. and ended with asking him if he'd be our officiant. He looked shocked but also very happy, so I knew we'd chosen well. He got super excited about it.

It feels good to have our close friends participating in our wedding (our officiant's partner is going to be our day-of coordinator), and it also feels good to check something off the list. It seems funny to think that we only have 11 months to go, now! OMG, we need to get some stuff done!

Bucking Tradition

It will be no surprise to you that I'm not going to go for a lot of the wedding day traditions. As I've told Mr. T, this is our day, and it should be about us. He wasn't sure if he wanted a ring or not, but felt that he needed one for the "mandatory" ring exchange on the day. I told him, "If you don't want one, don't get one. This is your wedding." Ultimately he decided he'd get a ring, but an inexpensive one, and he'd only wear it sometimes. (I teased him, "You know, women look at men's hands..." He said dryly, "Believe me, they're not beating down my door now, and I don't have a ring." I told him I didn't believe it.)

Here are the things I'm pretty sure we aren't going to do on the day:

• No white dress for me.
• Probably no veil for me (unless I find a fabulous red lace mantilla veil that I must have).
• No diamond ring for me.
  
• No tux for Mr. T.
• No flowers in the reception hall (I'll post about decor later). I will carry a bouquet though, which brings me to...
• No bouquet toss. It's my bouquet, I want it! Also, why humiliate the women at the reception with this horrible game? "Okay, all the losers...I mean single women...come up here and scrabble desperately...I mean try to catch the bouquet." No thanks. My single ladies are gorgeous and fabulous and I love them. I was thinking of having my bouquet made into a painting, actually. I like the idea of keeping it in our household, but in a nontraditional way.
• No garter toss. I actually found a few cute Halloween garters (below), but again, I think it's really in poor taste to have your groom all up in your business while your friends and family watch. WTF?

• Not getting married in a church. We're happy heathens.
  
• Non-traditional officiant. We don't know who will be our officiant, but they will likely be ordained by the Universal Life Church.
• Photos taken before the ceremony. Actually, we haven't officially decided this yet, but I think it's hard on the guests to be left cooling their heels while you're doing a photo shoot. So I'm going to push for a pre-ceremony shoot. My brother and sister-in-law did this and I thought it was brilliant.

And of course there's the most non-traditional part of all of this, which is that we're having a Halloween costume wedding.

We haven't decided what we're going to do about other traditions, such as the first dance. I suggested to Mr. T that we learn the "Thriller" choreography and do that as our first dance. He laughed and started doing the infamous zombie dance part (you know the one), which made me laugh. See? He makes me laugh.

We will definitely have guest favors, but with our own spin on it.

I do like the "something old, new, borrowed, and blue" tradition, so I think I will keep that one. Apparently the original saying ended, "And a sixpence for your shoe" (for luck), but no way am I putting a coin in my shoe. I would like to incorporate a sixpence another way, if I think of a suitable idea.

As I mentioned earlier, I don't mind doing the "cake cutting" with our cupcakes. There will be NO smashing of cake into the face, however. (Mr. T, are you reading this?)

I like the idea of bride and groom gifts--stealing a sweet moment the day of or night before the ceremony to give each other a thoughtful gift. Speaking of that, some of the brides on the blogs have mentioned stealing a little time alone together directly after the ceremony (like 10 minutes or so) to let the impact of being married sink in, and have some alone time, before joining folks at the reception. I like that too.

I'm excited to create something that reflects us! I hope our guests will enjoy it too.