Another Processional Option

I've been pondering my processional options. I was thinking about some of our belly dance faves like Beats Antique, but a lot of those songs have doumbek interludes and that just seemed odd to me.

Then I remembered this one:

You're My Best Friend by Queen
Ooo. you make me live
whatever this world can give to me
It's you, you're all I see
Ooo, you make me live now honey
Ooo, you make me live
You're the best friend
that I ever had
I've been with you such a long time
You're my sunshine
And I want you to know
That my feelings are true
I really love you
You're my best friend
Ooo, you make me live
I've been wandering round
But I still come back to you
In rain or shine
You've stood by me girl
I'm happy, happy at home
You're my best friend.
You're the first one
When things turn out bad
You know I'll never be lonely
You're my only one
And I love
The things that you do
You're my best friend
Ooo, you make me live.
I'm happy, happy at home
You're my best friend
You're my best friend
Ooo, you make me live
You, you're my best friend.

Pretty perfect, right? I love it, but I have concerns:

• It's 2:50. Is that long enough for two bridesmaids, a ring bearer, and a flower girl to get up the aisle? Because if it isn't, now I need another song for everyone else.
• Is it weird that it's sung by a gay man to a fictional woman?
• My dad is going to make fun of me, but I can live with that (nothing new there). I just hope he doesn't refuse to walk down the aisle because of it!

MOH/BM Dress Update

After the tasting on Saturday I went to the MOH's house to look at the dresses she'd bought as potential MOH dresses. My bridesmaid has already bought her dress:


It looks super cute on her! The MOH ended up not liking either dress she'd ordered, so she's shipping them back and trying some other things. Those repro vintage dresses mess with you on the sizing...an XL might be a size 14, or a size 8!

She knows she doesn't have to go with a vintage look, of course, but I think she really wants to find one she likes and can wear again. I hope she loves one in the next batch!

Dressing the Maids

This weekend the MOH and I flew down to LA to visit the other bridesmaid, go dress shopping, and have a fun girls' weekend.

We went makeup and perfume shopping first, which was great and totally deadened our noses, but the MOH did find a nice scent, and I got some awesome peacock eyeshadows. After that we had a yummy vegan lunch, then we got down to business and went to a store that sells reproduction vintage style dresses.

Now, I'd like to note that I have no attachment to the ladies wearing the same dress; I just specified a black dress, not too short. However, they decided they'd like to coordinate, so we thought they could each find their own style from this store. Here are some of the ones they tried on:


The BM really liked this one.

The MOH tried this one on. It was a little too sailor-y for us.


The BM tried this one on and it looked adorable on her. It's still in the running to become America's Top Bridesmaid Dress!



This was the MOH's favorite dress, but alas, they only had black and pink, not black and red. I love pink, but I just don't think we'd all look good together with these dresses. Too bad!


I had the BM try this one on just for fun. It was as hideous as it looks in the photo! We laughed.

So, we didn't end up buying anything, but we found some strong candidates, and are going to do some more looking at online options. I think they're going to look adorable!!

145 Days to Go and OMG, We Have So Much To Do

I finally joined The Knot because they had some articles on Halloween weddings I wanted to read. The articles weren't really worth it, it turns out.

I had to put in our wedding date as part of my registration and I got an automatically generated checklist. These are the things we haven't done, and many of them are overdue according to The Knot:

• Make sure to insure your engagement ring. [We do need to do this. We also need renter's insurance. Sigh.]
• Decide on and meet with your officiant to discuss ceremony structure. [We've emailed some stuff, but no real discussions yet.]
• Brides: Start shopping for bridesmaid dresses. [Actually, the MOH and I are going to visit the other bridesmaid in LA this weekend for girl fun and dress shopping! I can't wait, it's going to be such a fun little trip.]
• Register for your wedding gifts, and don't forget to include some choices appropriate for your upcoming bridal shower as well. [GAH. No progress. We decided to register at Bed, Bath, & Beyond, but aside from agreeing that we need new knives, we don't know what to register for.]
• Brides: Decide on the bridesmaid dresses. [See above...maybe we'll get that done this weekend, or maybe the girls will just be left to their own devices. My only stipulation is that the dresses be black, and not too short!]
• Book a baker [done], choose your wedding [cup]cake[s] design[s] [to be done], and send a deposit [done].
• Start planning the rehearsal dinner. [No luck on this front. I've researched a few places, but we've only tried one, with disappointing results. We need to get back on this. I would love a more informal dinner, like Mexican food with margaritas, but there's not much near our wedding venue/hotel. Sigh.]
• Start working on your invitation wording and design. [I am happy to report we started doing this last weekend, even though Mr. T had a cold. That's info for a separate post, though.]
• Finalize your invitation wording. [TBD]
• Finalize menu and service details with caterer. [We still need to pick a vegetarian main dish and a passed appetizer. We're not doing that until October, though, so The Knot will need to scream at us until then.]
• Order your invitations and announcements (don't forget plenty of extra envelopes). [Again, TBD. Invites will take 2-4 weeks to print after a proof is approved, so we're thinking we'll send them to the printer mid-July or so. I'm torn on the envelopes...it's tempting to just have the printer do the return addresses for us, but another part of me would love to do either black envelopes with orange lining or vice-versa. And that means ordering envelopes and doing custom liners. Hm.]
• Start thinking about flower arrangement styles you like, and figure out what flowers will be in season on your wedding day. [Well, I guess I have thought about it. But I'm not entirely sure about the seasonal thing.]
• Decide on a floral scheme, choose flowers. [Not really done. Except I'd like Fall colors, and primarily reds, burgundies, and a bit of orange.]
• Reserve tables, chairs, and/or other rental equipment you'll need (unless caterer or site is taking care of it). [Mostly this is done, but we have some stereo equipment stuff to sort out.]
• Grooms: Start looking to buy or rent tux, suit, or other formal attire. [We did start...we just didn't see much! And other plans have prevented us from going shopping again. Can you hear me hyperventilating yet? This list is a mile long!]
• Book rehearsal-dinner site. [Um, no. See above.]
• Book hotel room for your wedding night. [We haven't done this yet. I think Mr. T would like us to stay at a high-end hotel near our wedding venue, whereas I would just like it to be easy, so I want us to stay at the venue (although The Claremont is sounding mighty tempting). So we're still discussing.]
• Compile packages for out-of-town guests with hotel reservation (done) and city information, and mail them out. [Our "wedsite" gives hotel info, but no city info. I'm undecided about mailing out packets, but I suppose I could put something together...in all my free time.]
• Grooms: Decide on your groomsmen's attire. [I doubt if Mr. T has put much thought into this. He only has one groomsman, so it's a little easier. I think he'd like his brother to wear a suit, but who knows what color suit, or what color shirt, or tie!]
• Book your honeymoon flights (if not using frequent flyer miles) and make all your other travel reservations. [I'm putting this one in Mr. T's lap...the mini-moon, that is. When we take a real honeymoon trip I'll be recovered enough to help plan it. For the mini-moon I'd like relaxation, good food, and a massage or two. And some nice scenery.]
• Brides: Choose your bridesmaids' accessories (shoes, gloves, etc.) and either purchase or pass along purchasing information. [Well, my girls can pick their own shoes, and they don't need gloves!]
• Grooms: Give all of the groomsmen the information they need to buy and/or reserve their attire. [Nothing done here; see above.]
• Pick out or design a ketubah or other marriage contract required by your religion. [We don't have to worry about this one. Check!]

Note that this checklist is not everything we have to do...it's just everything we should be doing during this timeframe...next month, there will be even more items looming over us! It's feeling a little insurmountable at the moment. One thing at a time, right?

Floral Workshop

The MOH and I took a floral workshop on Sunday. I was skeptical about how much this was going to help me, since I have nary a DIY bone in my body, but I thought it went really well! The instructor was nice and encouraging and very informative. I learned a lot about flowers. For example, when you receive flowers, it's the leaves that have a lot of the bacteria that kills the flowers more quickly, so you should strip off the leaves. Who knew?

For a Saturday wedding, she recommended picking the flowers up on Thursday, prepping them (de-thorning and de-leaving), and then letting them drink water/flower food for at least 5 hours, or overnight. Bouquets can be made on Friday, but boutonnieres/corsages should be made as late as possible, so either late Friday night or Saturday morning.

She also offered us a huge gift, which was that she convinced a few flower vendors at the local Flower Market to let us buy flowers at the wholesale price using her badge number. That's AMAZING! That alone was worth the cost of the workshop.

Before the workshop she sent us an email and asked us to bring gloves and shears, which the MOH and I had to buy. We started by stripping all the flowers. She mostly had roses there to work with; they are apparently very sturdy and good for us newbies to work with. You can see the MOH working with one of the metal rose strippers the instructor provided. I need to get my hands on one of those.


You can see how messy it gets! There were leaves and thorns everywhere. Note to self: Acquire large box for detritus.

After we'd prepped all the flowers she taught us how to put a bouquet together. You start with three flowers in a triangle and then add flowers, moving the bouquet in a circle. You hold the bouquet tightly, but not so tightly that you can't move flowers up and down to even out the look of the bouquet. For us, she recommended working with flowers in the same color family. So, shades of pink, or shades of red, etc. I chose two different types of red roses and some red berries. The MOH started with red roses and white spray roses, but quickly discovered why the instructor told us to work in the same color family--the white ones just stood out so much, it was clear when the arrangement wasn't symmetrical, etc. So the MOH ditched the white roses and grabbed some green berries, which I thought looked great.

Here's the MOH taping her bouquet once she was done adding flowers:

After taping them, next we added ribbon to cover the tape. I don't have a great shot of this part, but it wasn't too hard...just winding the ribbon around the stems. We finished by folding the frayed end of the ribbon underneath, then adding three pins. We angled the pins upward to stick into the stem, instead of just stabbing them straight into the ribbon. I also learned not to get a ribbon with a different color/textured edge--the edges of the ribbon were very obvious and distracting once I was done. I forgot to add my feathers until after I'd taped my bouquet (I'd brought some black feathers). When I remembered and got them out of my bag, everyone at the table stopped and said, "Oh....." like it had never occurred to them to add feathers. It's like, aren't you ladies reading bridal blogs? Come on, now. Anyway, I didn't end up adding the feathers, but the instructor showed me how I could add them, and it looked great, so now I can save these feathers for the real thing!

Here are our finished bouquets!




After we were done with our bouquets, we moved onto boutonnieres/corsages. Apparently the difference between the two (aside from which gender wears them) is that corsages have two flowers and light ribbon, and bouts have one flower and black ribbon. I don't know that I'll necessarily stick to the ribbon rule, but it was good to learn about them.

When the instructor started demonstrating how to wrap the ribbon, which involved wiring and folding and twisting and looping and tying, I turned to my MOH and said, "Um, you're handling these." After all, she's a Virgo, so I figured she'd be better at it. However, once we got into them, it was easier than I'd thought and I even helped the MOH with hers after she pinched her hand in the wire cutters and started bleeding. The instructor said that the MOH was her first casualty! We don't do anything small! Here are some pix of our hard (and bloody) work:





Not bad, huh? We were very proud of ourselves. I understand we just learned a few basics, but I feel so much better prepared to do my own flowers for the wedding. Now, I just need to learn a bit about centerpieces...

Dress Appointment!!!!!

Saturday the MOH and I were super excited to go to my appointment with the dress maker. She's a custom-corset maker who also creates bridal ensembles in SF. Before the appointment we wandered around her store, which is stuffed with ready-made corsets, custom little top hats and fascinators with feathers and lace and other fun frilly things, beautiful jewelry, gauntlets (both of us almost caved and got a pair of overpriced gauntlets, but we resisted), spats, skirts, coats, sweet little lace umbrellas, fans, you name it. It's like goth heaven!

The owner, Autumn, who had on the cutest skirt, took us upstairs and looked through my inspiration photos, reading all the comments I'd written on the page very carefully and listening intently to what I said about each. She was very engaged and present in the conversation. She had kind of a quiet demeanor but as she spoke you could feel the passion and knowledge she brings to her work. She told me at one point that we have a similar aesthetic and also that she liked my sense of humor, both of which I felt flattered about. I feel like a fangirl with a crush on my seamstress!

After looking through everything, she offered her opinion that I should go floor-length with the skirt, which will lengthen me, but that we could show flashes of leg through lace insets. This was based on one of my inspiration photos, if you'll remember:



I adore this dress. Although I'd change a few details, such as straps (I want some), the tightness around the tummy, and the train (too long and cumbersome for me). Also the color, although I adore that she chose pale pink.

So, we designed something similar based on this dress (mermaid shape with lace insets in the skirt), but in a beautiful red silk satin and with a slightly looser mermaid skirt so that I'll be able to sit. The satin is heavy enough that it won't wrinkle, which you may recall I was worried about. We also picked out the black lace, which has a gorgeous s-shaped curve in it, and talked about also bringing the lace into the bodice to make the dress feel like one piece. Finally, I told her I wanted straps, a modesty panel in the back (no flesh peeking out between the laces in the back), and that I also wanted modesty in the front--no Dangerous-Liasons style cleavage "in front of God and the family" as the MOH put it. We selected a corset style that had more seams in the bust area, so it would allow for the curve of the breast rather than shoving it all out of the top. We also opted to go with no busks (those clasps that appear in the front of corsets), which increases the difficulty of the dress (a lot heavier lacing duties for someone!) but which also, in my opinion, offers a cleaner line and makes the ensemble look more like a dress.

Autumn talked about having red beads hand-sewn on the black lace, but we decided that those were out of my price range. However, now that I've been mulling it over, I'm reconsidering. Beading would add another $500-1500 to my budget. I think I could live with an additional $500 ($1500, not so much). Another option is to do the beading myself, or have a friend do it for free. I wouldn't trust myself to do it, but I may have a friend who can. I haven't decided, but I have time to figure it out.

As we looked through her portfolios I saw at least three women I know in her photos, and we determined that she's done dresses for a couple of other women I know, and is currently doing a dress for a friend of mine who's also getting married this year. It was hilarious. Clearly she comes highly recommended!

She asked if I plan to lose weight before the wedding, and I wasn't sure how to answer this. My answer is, yes, I'd like to, but I'm not on any crazy diet or aggressive weight loss plan...just good old exercise, and trying to eat better. We decided we'd take my measurements in two months. If I do lose some weight, the corset allows for a little bit of weight loss...Hopefully it will be clearer in two months if I've lost weight. I feel like maybe I've lost a couple of pounds (the jeans are fitting better), but nothing radical.

Since I had officially placed the order I put down a deposit of $800. I used my Discover card, which came back DECLINED. I was so embarrassed. Nothing like setting up a good relationship or giving a good first impression! I have plenty of room on that card, and not only that, I have excellent credit. I mean, not to brag, but I have EXCELLENT credit. So I put the deposit on another card, which, after I experienced a brief panicked moment of paranoia, went through just fine.

After the appointment the MOH and I went to eat lunch and I noticed I'd gotten a voicemail on my cell phone from Discover's fraud department. I called back and my phone apparently was fading in and out, or at least that's what the bitchy customer service representative was saying. I'm sorry, if you are in customer service, even if someone's cell phone is frustrating you, it won't kill you to be polite. Just saying.

So I put the phone back in my purse after hanging up on her and we spent the rest of the day shopping for makeup and bras, which was a lot of fun. We were spending some pay from a recent gig, so it was a great way to have some guilt-free spending. We both went to the Chanel counter and got Vamp lipstick, which they are making again!!! Vamp is that gorgeous deep, deep red lipstick (they call it rouge noir, or red-black). The MOH and I had been digging the dregs of Vamp out of our old lipstick tubes, and saving it for special occasions, but now we have brand new tubes!

Anyway, once I was home I called Discover back from my landline. It turns out they declined the card because of their security standards (meaning, the purchase was out of the ordinary for me). I asked the guy, "I'm getting married this year, and it's likely that I'll have a number of large purchases like this. Can I keep this from happening again?" The man, who was very nice, apologized for my embarrassment (which I mentioned pointedly) and said that no, there was nothing I could do, but in the future I could always have the vendor call and verify the charge over the phone.

I'm sorry, but that's a huge pain in the ass, and I'm very seriously considering canceling my Discover card. It's nice they're so concerned with my account's safety, but if I can't use the card, it's useless to me. What if I had been stranded and trying to pay a tow truck driver with that card? WTF? Isn't that what credit is for, the little (or big) unexpected things in life that pop up? So yeah, not a huge fan of the Discover company. Maybe I'll look into a Capitol One card...the whole reason I got Discover was the rewards program.

I'd like to clarify that although I'm using the card, it doesn't mean I'll carry a balance. It's just a way to delay payment until I can move the money from our wedding fund over to my checking. Also, it's good to pay vendors with a credit card...you can contest it if something happens. Not that I'm expecting anything to happen, but you never know!

Embarrassing credit card incident aside, it was a lovely Saturday afternoon, and I couldn't be more excited to see my dress take shape!

Vegas, Baby! (including OMW Day 13!)

Well, I'm home and only a little the worse for wear!

Vegas was really fun and while it was expensive, I had a limit for how much cash I would spend and ended up under that total, so I feel good about that.

The MOH and I flew out Friday (I worked out in the morning so I could feel virtuous the rest of the weekend). We all stayed at the Luxor, so after a stop at our room for a quick change, we met at a restaurant within the Luxor. It was fun to meet some of my co-dancer's friends that I'd never met before, and to hang out with some of her friends I hadn't seen in awhile. The rest of the night was relatively tame--drinks and hanging out. We knew we were saving ourselves for the following evening.

My co-dancer texted us all (there were 16 of us in her entourage!) at 8 am to see if we wanted brunch, but only 7 of us made it. I'm sorry, when you're eating at 9:30 am, it's not brunch, it's breakfast! We went to Bouchon at the Venetian, which was started by the same chef who started French Laundry. The MOH and I shared our breakfast and I was proud of myself for suggesting it--not only did we save money, but it was the perfect amount of food (waffles, mmmmm). Everyone got ridiculously rich and sinful dishes--chicken and waffles, french toast, and a crazy dish called a Croque Madame, which was basically a ham and cheese sandwich covered in some sort of cream sauce served with a mountain of fries.

After breakfast we braved the rain and took a walk over to Caesar's. I couldn't believe it was raining--isn't Vegas in the desert? Their drainage systems were clearly not robust enough to handle rain; there were huge puddles everywhere. But, whatever, wet feet, we were on vacation! After wandering around Caesar's we went to the Bellagio to look at the fountains and to see the Chihuly ceiling and the gardens in there, which was fun. I stuck to my resolve about not shopping anywhere.

After that we all split up; my co-dancer and I got a snack and everyone else went off to nap before the evening. That night we went to the Wolfgang Puck Bar and Grill at the MGM; all of us dressed in wigs and crazy costumes. My co-dancer had this huge beehive wig and a frilly polka-dot dress; one girl dressed as Dolly Parton; I had a pink bob wig on and crazy pink and black feathered lashes (as well as pink makeup, pink jewelry, and pink fishnets); the MOH (my MOH, not my co-dancer's!) wore a green wig, green lashes, a leather corset, and a black fishnet top and tights; one of the guys had on a huge afro wig, a suit, and a glowing fake fur boa; another of the guys had on a suit and a wig that matched his facial hair exactly, so it looked like it could be his real hair...it was thin and greasy looking, and he kept calling himself "Uncle Jack" and telling each of us we were his favorite niece and not to tell the other nieces.

We walked over to MGM from the Luxor, and we caused quite a stir. You would think no one in Vegas would bat an eyelash at anything, but people were blatantly staring, laughing in amazement, pointing, taking pictures, and commenting. It was hilarious. We were like some 16-person wig parade. We made it to dinner, which was delicious, and then we got to hang out a bit there (they'd put us in a semi-private room). One of the girls had brought glow necklaces, bracelets, and earrings, so we all adorned ourselves with glowy things that would ensure we'd get even more attention. At one point these two women in dresses with corsages came in and said they were supposed to be going to a wedding reception but that once they saw us, thought we would be more fun. Well, I'm sure we were! But they eventually left for their reception.

After dinner we headed over to Excalibur to see the Thunder from Down Under, an all-male revue. We had a row of booths in the very back of the theater, which is not too big, so our seats were fine (although we had to sit up on the back of the booth, our feet on the seat cushions, in order to have a better view of the stage). There were quite a few bachelorette parties there, but we were the most...colorful. There was one group with bunny ears on.

Finally the boys came on and it was a ton of fun--everyone in the audience was screaming their heads off. I noticed that the guys were terrible dancers--no one was synced up, the moves were sorta lame, etc., but really, out of everyone in that audience, I think only the women in our party noticed. They also didn't really dole out much in terms of flesh....a shirt here, a jacket there. For a strip show, there was not a lot of stripping, although there was some. They would pull various women up on stage and embarass them. I thought we wouldn't have a chance at this because we were so far back, but then the host came out in the audience and picked...my MOH. It was hilarious. He picked out two other women to "compete" with her; he called my MOH "Xena" because of her corset. The three women had to fake an orgasm (remember that scene in When Harry Met Sally?) and then the audience had to cheer for their favorite. Of course we screamed ourselves hoarse for the MOH, but an older lady took it...we told the MOH that the other women got the "old lady vote." The MOH did get a nice parting gift of a poster and some g-string panties, which she gave to our co-dancer (I told her to wear them on her wedding night under her Spanx bodyshaper!).

I tried to take video, but they watch you like a hawk and came over and made me delete the clips off my camera, which was a bummer. After the show we were all going to get a (paid) photo onstage with the beefcakes, but the other women in line were shoving and it wasn't pleasant at all, so we took off. It wasn't worth it!

Afterwards we went to the Thunder gift shop and women were stopping the MOH and saying, "Xena! I totally voted for you, you were my favorite!". It was great. Then we had a bathroom stop where this little older asian woman popped out of a closet and gave us mardi gras beads that matched our wigs. It was so bizarre. I don't know what she was doing there or why she had the beads, but it was really funny and she seemed to like us a lot.

After Excalibur we started walking back to our hotel and got grabbed by some club promoter who thought we all looked awesome and gave us free entrance to her club, Cathouse. It was fun to cut to the front of the line and have the bouncer hold open the curtain for us while folks looked at us enviously. HA! She gave us drink coupons, but only the women (as we walked into the club we had to put the guys in the middle of our group so they wouldn't get left outside!). So, once we collected our free drink we left and went back to a bar at the Mandalay. We got the MOH to ask some guy if his floor-length fur coat was real. She marched over there, already all full of adrenaline and discovered that yes, it was real (made out of coyote. blech.). The MOH said that he was super sleazy in general and he had two women on his arm. One of the women said, "oh, let's take a picture with her, she's so cute!" and as the MOH posed for a picture with the guy, he leaned over to the MOH and confided, "She is SO stupid" (about the picture-taking girl). The MOH also managed to start chatting up some twenty-something guys sitting at the bar after that.

Our group had split up by this time and a smaller party of us went over to Burger Bar (a Hubert Keller restaurant) in Mandalay Bay for late-night snacks, which was yummy. I love their yam fries. Finally we ended up at the bar at our hotel. We got to bed around 5, and it was hard to get up to get ready for checkout. I was dragging! It was nice to come home to my own bed (my back was sore from the crappy one at the Luxor) and my kitties and Mr. T, of course. Phew! So, a really fun weekend, but I'm glad to be back.

OMW: Day 11

Mr. T was still sick this morning, but I got up anyway. HA! Of course, I got up about 15 minutes later than I should have, but I still got up, and went to the gym, and I felt great afterward, at least until I discovered I'd left my earrings at home, and then I still felt great, but slightly naked in the earlobe region.

I've decided to try out a four-day week this week. Today I just did leg-based weights; tomorrow I'll do arms, and then alternate again. If it seems like too much I'll stop after the third day, but both Thursday and Friday this week I'll have more time and be able to drive; Thursday because I have a doctor appt. at 10 am, and Friday because I have the day off. What's this, you ask? I'm going to Vegas! Woo-hoo!

My co-dancer (the one who called the David's Bridal ballgown a "shixa dress") is getting married in a few short weeks, so this weekend 18 of us are flying into Vegas for some bachelorette shenanigans. The cash outlay isn't great timing for me, but like every place, Vegas is hurting right now, so we were able to score rooms at the Luxor for $100/night...split with the MOH, who's also going, that makes $100 total that I'll be paying for hotel. The flight was also cheap; I think $60 each way?

Re: entertainment, the only official plans are for Saturday night. We're eating at a bar and grill (which, while not cheap, is not too outrageous) and then we'll be watching some Australian hunks take their clothes off for the bargain price of $50! Yup, we're going to the "Thunder Down Under" show! And there will be men in our party, so that should be interesting. And funny. I expect the evening will be hilarious and cringe-worthy. Apparently the "handsome blokes" dress up as firemen, pirates, and characters from "300." And we end with a "sensational cowboy finale." That made me laugh when I read it.

Anyway, despite the slogan, what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay there--I'll make sure to blog about the fun when I'm back.

David's Bridal Appointment

Phew, well, that's over with.

Yesterday the MOH and I ventured out to the city of the dead--that's Colma, in case you were wondering--to visit David's Bridal, the cheapest of the cheap bridal shops.

We walked in the door and were barked at by the greeter, a tiny (yet pushy) Russian woman with a huge wedding ring set on her hand. The MOH was later joking that the store must have sets of wedding rings for all the employees to wear, since EVERYONE was sporting huge rocks. The greeter gave me some paperwork to fill out. They asked for a lot of info, including Mr. T's name and email address, which I did not fill in. The store was pretty quiet, so that I didn't end up having to share a consultant, as they'd told me on the phone.

The greeter asked me if I'd seen any dresses on their website that I was interested in. Already failing in my task of impersonating a bride that would want to wear a white David's Bridal gown to her wedding, I baldly said, "No," but I did follow it up with, "but I have some pictures of dresses I like..." and I did. Early on, when I first got engaged, I inherited about 20 wedding magazines from a friend and started ripping out pictures of dresses I liked, not because of the color (obviously) but instead because I liked the skirt or the bodice or the beading or what have you. I hadn't looked at the photos in months, but my assessment was that I did a good job! The dresses were lovely; probably all of them were $10,000 couture dresses, however.

Still, I gamely showed the pictures to our bridal consultant, who seemed distracted as we walked to the dressing room, which was in a very long corridor of other mirrored dressing rooms...sorta Twilight Zone-ish. The consultant disappeared for a long time and came back with a slip and a longline strapless bra/bustier, explaining that they didn't have the bustier in my ribcage size, but this was the next size up. I had the MOH help me into the bustier, and it wasn't good. I was falling out of the top. At the time I was thinking it was ridiculous to expect a well-endowed girl to want to wear strapless, because I have never in my life tried on a supportive strapless bra. The consultant went off to try and find a smaller bra, and as I stood there holding my boobs in, wearing the oversized bustier and hideous thick white girdle slip underneath the flourescent lighting, I had a moment of despair. It all felt very fake and wrong and depressing. However, thankfully the MOH was there to joke with me, and soon the consultant came back with a bra that still was not my size, but did fit slightly better (thank goodness there were no men in the store, though, is all I'm saying).

After that we started the dress parade. The first was an a-line strapless gown that I dubbed "the mummy" because of the horizontal ribbons running the length of the dress. We liked the a-line on my body. In photos, however, I look short in the dress. I'm not sure if it's the silhouette or the striping that caused that.

Next was a full-on strapless Cinderella ball gown, with a beaded bodice and fluffy layers of beaded tulle and crinolines--by far the most elaborate thing I tried. Out of curiosity, I asked the price, and it was only $1100, which let me know that (no surprise) these dresses must be made in China by women who are paid pennies per day. I surprised myself by actually liking this one on me. I didn't expect that. It made my top look smaller. However, after seeing the photos we took, my codancer (who called it a "shixa dress", which cracked me up) frankly told me she thought it made my bottom half look wider and that it also made me look shorter.

Next was a strapless mermaid style dress with a lace overlay and beading. I wasn't sure about this silhouette, as you may recall. I do have an hourglass figure, but I wasn't sure if mermaid would say, "I have curves," or instead, "I have saddlebags." This dress wasn't too tight around my legs and we found it very flattering. The consultant even brought the dress in around my knees so it would flare out even more at the bottom, and the MOH and I both liked that look a lot.

The next dress was an empire waist dress, the only dress with straps. I figured empire waist would make me look pregnant, plus I don't do well with what I term "pre-defined breast areas". However, it actually looked nice on top and didn't make me look as though I were expecting. The straps were kinda twisted and Grecian looking, which I liked, and the overall style of the dress was a little Marilyn-Monroe/old school Hollywood glamour, which was nice (although not so much for me, I think). We liked this one more once the consultant showed us what it would look like in a mermaid skirt.

Finally, I tried on a (strapless, of course) dress with a corset back. The skirt was pretty bad--poofy, with pickups, which I hate, although the MOH kinda liked them. I think it makes the dress look like a crumpled piece of paper. The corset did wonderful things for my waist, though.

The consultant offered to put me in a veil at one point, which made me blurt out, "NO! I mean, no thanks." So instead I tried on a tiara. I love tiaras! So that was kinda awesome. I also had these cute little black heels on, because I wanted to bring a pair of my own heels rather than wear the DB ones (who knows how many people have tried on the store heels?). So when I was waiting between dresses, my look was pretty great--bustier, thick ugly slip with a huge slit up the back, black heels, tiara, tattoos. I was joking that I'd already found my look for the wedding, nevermind the dresses!

I decided that wedding gowns have a LOT of structure versus any other gown you'd try on in a store. I mean, crappy bra or not, once I was in these gowns, the girls weren't going anywhere. It was bizarre to see myself in a strapless gown. I have never worn anything strapless! Mr. T asked how I was feeling trying on white dresses, and for me, that part was pretty matter of fact (okay, this skirt shape is good, next), but the strapless thing was really strange. Anyway, the gowns have layers and layers of fabric and crinoline and boning and beading and the things can practically stand up on their own. It really is a two-person operation to get these things over your head. And the train was also odd...I found myself taking little mincing steps, unlike my typical "keep up with long-legged Mr. T" walk, so I wouldn't trip myself.

We ended up liking the consultant, who was very nice and didn't mind pulling dress after dress for us, and I started to feel guilty about all the work she was doing for someone who was never going to buy a dress. While she was picking out more dresses the MOH and I decided we'd say that we were going to wait till my mom came into town and go shopping with her, which is essentially what we told our consultant at the end. She was really sweet and didn't push the issue (unlike the greeter, who pressed, "When will we see you in here again?"), and I know it's silly to feel weird about it since who buys a dress in the first store they go in, regardless, but I did feel weird.

I'm glad that's over! Now to call the corset maker! Phew!

Invitation Inspiration

Last night Mr. T and I had a budget date (well, the MOH came too...let's call it a budget outing!) at the Asian Art Museum to see an exhibit of Afghani jewelry and art...admission was $5! A steal. We felt cultured AND frugal.

Afterward Mr. T and I were watching LA Ink at home. Kim was working on a text-based tattoo, and Mr. T said, "that's sorta like the typeface I'm thinking about for our invitations!" and jumped up and turned on his computer, mid-episode.

Unfazed, I just kept watching the episode...I figured it would keep. After it was done we looked at some other inspiration fonts online. Mr. T started asking me for invitation wording so he could gauge how much room he had to work with. I was like, "Really? You're going to make me write our invitation wording at 11 pm off the top of my head? I need to think about this!!" I felt frustrated about being pressured, and he was puzzled about why I wasn't more enthusiastic, since I love wedding stuff. His argument that it was just placeholder text, and my argument was that he shouldn't get started on design without the real text (both of us speaking from our work perspectives, I suspect...it's funny how different our work worlds are, sometimes!).

So, we ended in a stalemate, or perhaps a compromise. It's funny how inspiration can strike at the most inconvenient times. In the end he got some dummy text to work with, after I told him about 20 times that it wasn't final and it was likely that we would have more text than what I'd just supplied.

Since we were on a roll, we also looked at the engagement photos again, so we could pick out 10 for the photographer to re-touch. Mr. T sheepishly admitted that he'd overreacted and he didn't quite hate the photos as much as he'd declared previously. We picked out 10 and I sent the list off to the photographer. Hooray! I posted some on Facebook for those of y'all who are curious.

And finally, I dug out some of the wedding books and checked out some timeline stuff. At some point I'd bought a Knot book of checklists, and as I read through it last night I realized how great a book it is. I also realized we're doing fine in terms of timeline. The only things we hadn't done on their schedule was create a wedding website and send out save the dates. I'm thinking I do want to do save the dates after all, only just via email. I thought we could use one of the engagement photos.

Anyway, it was a relief to see I wasn't letting a million details slip through the cracks and that we were right on schedule, at least according to the Knot. Phew! I was up past midnight reading. Mr. T really started something with that invitation discussion!

DB Update

I called David's Bridal and the person on the phone was very nice and sounded like an intelligent human being, so that was a relief. I made an appt. for Monday, 1/19! The MOH is coming with me and has promised to try on hideous bridesmaid dresses if it makes me feel any better. Apparently the sales associate will also be assisting another bride at that time, which I think is kinda perfect...less attention focused on me so that I'm not outed as a DB imposter.

Still, I suppose I should bring in photos of dresses I've been looking at, to appear to be a properly prepared bride. I wonder if we can get away with taking photos? Some places won't let you, but maybe if the associate is distracted we can sneak them.

And the dress process begins! I suppose my next call should be to the seamstress to set up a consult.

Officiant: Check

Mr. T and I have been mulling over who should be our officiant for a few months now. I mean, we've vaguely been thinking about it since we got engaged, but we really seriously began to talk about it in the last couple of months. We knew that, being the heathens we are, we were never going to get married in a church or by a religious official, so it became clear we should draft one of our friends into doing the job (thanks to the wonderful Universal Life Church...hey, I guess we are going to be married by a religious official...the ULC is a church, after all!).

We came up with some basic guidelines for our officiant candidates:

1. Knows and is close to both of us. This seemed important not only because this is a very important day for us, but also so the officiant would feel comfortable talking about us as a couple in front of our assembled friends and family. And, as one of my friends put it, it's nice if the officiant is invested in your success and growth as a couple.
2. Is comfortable speaking in front of a crowd. We didn't want to put someone on the spot...I know what it is to hate public speaking, and it's hard to say no to a friend, so we could potentially have caused someone a lot of anguish if we picked a wallflower.

We eliminated the MOH, although she was who I originally thought would officiate. Mr. T really thought she should be the MOH, though, and after I thought about it some more, I agreed. After that we discussed other friends...Mr. T was wavering between who would stand up with him as a groomsman, thereby possibly eliminating some candidates, but we finally settled on one of our close friends and popped the question to him at brunch on Sunday.

After the waiter took our order I launched into my unprepared speech, starting with, "We wanted to talk to you about something." He immediately said, "Oh my god, this is an Ulterior Brunch!" and we laughed and had to agree. Then I talked about how we loved him, etc. and ended with asking him if he'd be our officiant. He looked shocked but also very happy, so I knew we'd chosen well. He got super excited about it.

It feels good to have our close friends participating in our wedding (our officiant's partner is going to be our day-of coordinator), and it also feels good to check something off the list. It seems funny to think that we only have 11 months to go, now! OMG, we need to get some stuff done!

Tasting at Venue #3

So, if all goes right and the gods of football are kind to us (and it seems that they will be), we're going with venue #3. The price is right, mostly (more on that in a minute), we like the coordinator, we like the room, our guests can stay at the hotel, and it's local to us.

Mr. T, the MOH, and I went to the venue on Saturday for a tasting. I apologize that I don't have photos of the food. I brought the camera, but I felt awkward taking any photos. It was a unique situation to be presented with food and then have two people (the chef and the catering coordinator) stare at us while we ate it. The assistant catering coordinator, Daniel, even wrote down what we said after we tasted stuff. It was really odd.

As a reminder, we have to use the hotel's caterer if we have our wedding there. It's one of the reasons that we can afford the venue fee. So, we had our fingers crossed that the tasting would go well, and mostly it didn't disappoint.

We started with appetizers: a spring roll and a coconut crusted prawn with chile sauce. They were both tasty but I thought having two fried options would be odd, greasy, and heavy. So we're keeping the prawn and looking for another option for a passed appetizer. We'd also have a cheese station set up at a table. Since I doubt I'll get many of the appetizers, I don't really care if I can't eat them all, so cheese is fine with me!

We then tried a salad with mixed greens, persimmons, dried cranberries, nuts, and a blood orange dressing. This was super yummy and the dressing was not too vinegar-y (I mostly don't like salad dressings because all you can taste is vinegar). We approved that one right away.

For the sides, we tried a broccolini. This was yummy but I wondered if it would get wilty on the buffet. We opted to have some broccolini but also some roasted root veggies (beets, squash, potatoes, yams, etc.).

For the starches, we had a butternut squash, which was yummy but ruled out immediately because we're going to have it with the veggies, and we tried a saffron rice, which was just okay.

And finally, the entrees. So, I had requested a pork dish for Mr. T, salmon for me, and a VEGAN dish for our veggie friends, and also so I could eat it. We started with the "vegan" butternut squash ravioli in olive oil with sage. It tasted really delicious, but the ravioli were already hard from sitting out, and they hadn't been waiting that long. Daniel said these typically fare better with some type of cream sauce. Then he broke the news that the ravioli can't be vegan anyway, because there's egg in the pasta. Then, much later, it came out that the ravioli had some cheese in them!! I took a lactaid pill right away, but my stomach still hurt a bit later. Um, hello, how not-vegan could this dish get? So, we're back to the drawing board on that. The chef suggested polenta cakes with a veggie ragout, or a lentil/veggie kind of stew. We haven't decided what would be good yet. Clearly vegan is not this chef's forte, but hopefully we can work something out.

The other entrees went much better--the salmon had a delicious salsa on top, and the pork kicked ass, with a green apple/brandy sauce. That was our favorite thing at the tasting by far.

After the tasting we looked the room over again and Mr. T declared that he liked it even more the second viewing. Daniel seemed disinclined for us to have our ceremony and our reception there b/c of the awkwardness of chivvying our guests out of their seats to clear the reception space. I told him our guests would have to deal, and be thankful we weren't asking them to move the chairs themselves! Really, I think our friends will be low-key about it. Daniel also told us that the chairs they have in-house suck, so we'd be looking at an additional $400 for chair rentals, plus $300 for sound equipment rentals! Lots of little hidden costs started popping up...I guess on the initial visit they just want you to like it, and then they spring the fees on you slowly. We still haven't heard about the budget for our buffet, so I'm waiting to hear back on that one. Cross your fingers for us!!

Daniel also advised against having the bridal/groom party sit at a head table. He told us they had one at his wedding and discovered everyone stares at you while you're eating and it's uncomfortable. I thought that was hilarious. I rather liked him.

After the tasting (which we had to walk to because there was a football game that day, and hence, no parking) we decided we wanted something sweet and walked to a local gelato shop. Mmmmgelato. We talked about our photo-taking options, since the hotel doesn't have a ton. Daniel recommended Faculty Glade on the Cal Campus. I figured we'd end up on campus, since it's right there and very scenic, and also my alma-mater.

So, things are looking good that we'll sign a contract on the venue soon, fingers crossed. And then most of the hard stuff will be done!

Engagement Party Afterglow

So Saturday was our engagement party, hosted by the MOH, BM, and another dear friend of ours (and her husband, who did a lot of the manual labor!). I wore a tea-length red dress that I bought for a friend's wedding, with my leopard-print stiletto heels (which surprisingly were fine to wear all night; I expected them to be less comfy) and Mr. T wore a dark blue button-down shirt, jeans, and his birthday Adidas. It was a little foreshadowing of our wedding outfits, since I'll be wearing a red dress and he'll have a dark blue suit on.

We didn't have to lift a finger other than bringing an iPod loaded with music and my old Polaroid camera (which I discovered doesn't work, but I'll get to that in a second). Mr. T was a little uncomfortable with having folks do everything for us, but I felt strangely liberated (and I am usually the control freak!). I knew my girls would take care of everything, though. The MOH also asked us to bring some framed pictures of us as decor for the food tables and I realized that I haven't printed a single photo out since we got a digital camera, so that's on my list of things to do before the wedding! All the photos I found of us were from years ago and we both look baby-faced...and thinner. I did find a couple of hilarious Halloween images: one of us as geishas, and one of us as Mulder and Scully. We went to Target that afternoon to get some frames for the photos and scored some for $2 each! We'll have to pick up more before the wedding, since I'd like to display a bunch of photos there as well.

We hit horrible traffic on the way over to the MOH's apartment and ended up being 40 minutes late to our own party. Mr. T called it being "fashionably late" and tried to keep me from getting too cranky about it. Once we got there, I was amazed at what a great job the ladies had done. The MOH was calling the theme "Halloween lite", so there was a skull on the door and a sign that had our names, hyphenated, followed by "Engagement Party;" the sign was in the shape of a spooky old castle.

Once we got inside we were greeted by the hilarious site of white and orange streamers in the hall, and a white tissue paper wedding bell with bats hanging from it. I laughed and laughed. Once we had drinks in hand (there were two signature drinks, named after us, and an elaborate and crazy bar set-up), I relaxed and got to chatting with folks. The Halloween and wedding decor was great, and there was a huge spread of food, although I realized I was so excited to talk to folks that I barely ate anything...no wonder you hear about all the couples who don't eat anything on their wedding day! The E-party team had everything running like a well-oiled machine, and we felt so taken care of and loved.

They had set up a guest book area with Polaroids; luckily my bridesmaid had brought her own Polaroid camera because mine just wouldn't do anything. I have no idea how to fix it; it's been at least 10 years since I last looked at it. I'd wager the battery's dead, but how to replace it? We couldn't figure it out. Anyway, although Polaroid is no longer making new film, they'd managed to find some, although it expired in 2004. It gave all the photos a sepia tone that was kind of neat. Still, I think my vague idea of having a Polaroid guest book at the wedding will have to remain unfulfilled, since the film situation will only get worse from here out. Don't worry, though, I have other ideas!

Anyway, folks got their picture taken and then signed next to their photo. It is a really fun memento from the evening! Mr. T's dad was there, although I think he felt a bit out of place since none of the other parents/older relatives came, which was unfortunate. My friend from high school came, and Mr. T's cousins, and the belly dance crew, and Mr. T's office, and my book club (the bookbabes). I showed off my ring; Mr. T and I had been joking that we needed to have a fancy jeweler's lamp set up so that I could do showings every 15 minutes. Folks seemed to like it, or at least they said they did! ;-)

One of my belly dance troupemates picked up vegan cakes from Millennium; since I'm a lactard she wanted us to have cake I could eat. There was a lemon one with white chocolate frosting and a chocolate one with yummy raspberry filling and chocolate frosting. Apparently she asked the baker to decorate them for Halloween, which first surprised the baker (um, mid-August!), and then amused her. She had to bring some ghost-shaped sprinkles from home and asked my troupemate not to tell anyone she did that, since Millennium doesn't use any artificial ingredients in their food! Mr. T and I did a ceremonial cake-cutting pose, which will probably be the first and last time for that, since we're doing cupcakes for our wedding.

A couple of folks disobeyed our "no gifts" request (defiantly!) and we got a great bottle of champagne, which we'll probably pop open on our 11th anniversary this year, and we also got a nice bottle of tequila and a box of candy. Ah...booze and sugar, the way to my heart.

The MOH sent us home with tons of yummy middle eastern food, the leftover cake, and these hilarious bride and groom rubber duckies that now reside in our bathroom.

The next day we hung out with Mr. T's dad, watched the Olympics, and got some dinner. It was a fantastic weekend, but I'm exhausted today. It felt like a test run for the wedding, only on a smaller scale...very educational! My one regret is that Mr. T and I didn't spend more time together at the party...we have sort of an unofficial "divide and conquer" strategy at parties to get to talk to more people. At our wedding, though, I told him I want to hang out with my husband, and he agreed.

Seeing how smoothly everything went made me reconsider hiring a day-of coordinator (DOC). I have a little idea about that...gotta clear it with Mr. T and we'll see what happens...

Some Good News

So, venues have obviously been on my mind. Maybe because it's the one thing on our to-do list that I feel some urgency about, since we aren't going to be flexible on the date.

I said, "what the heck?" and emailed the coordinator at Venue #2 to see if they'd hold our date for us without a deposit, since we don't know the football schedule and we also want to do a tasting closer to the season we'll be getting married in.

Guess what? She said yes! Here's her email:

Mrs. T-to-be*,

I will hold that date for you with no deposit required. I agree that we must know the football schedule first and have a tasting. Once we know the football schedule, we can schedule a tasting. I will NOT release your date until both of these issues are resolved.

Take care, Awesome Coordinator*

So, I feel better about the venue issue--we can wait to find out the football schedule and not worry about our date being given away in the meantime. Phew! As the MOH says, "I like this woman more and more!" Hopefully it's a good omen.

*Not our real names.

One of the Advantages of an Indoor Wedding

Courtesy of Cute Overload.

(Note: that cake topper is hideous, in my opinion, and also a little frightening. And I don't even have a fear of dolls like the MOH!)

Awesome Ice

I think I need to buy the MOH some of these to make fancy ice for the engagement party:


From ThinkGeek, these ice cube trays may be a waste of $6, but they are also awesome.

Sorry, Ladies

Made of Honor

On Saturday I had a typical crazy day--haircut in the morning, then dance rehearsal, then the MOH and I went to the Annie Leibowitz exhibition at the Legion of Honor, and finally I took my ladies out to see Made of Honor as sort of a wedding kick-off. Oh, then dinner later--you know, the usual overstuffed day. I'm not happy unless I've got 20 things to do!

The exhibition at the Legion of Honor was great. I hadn't ever been there, so it was a surprise how gorgeous it is. It's set right on the Bay and would be a great place to take photos; in fact, we saw TWO wedding parties there taking pictures. Both sets of bridesmaids were in hideous dresses. I'm just amazed that still happens in this day and age. One set was in a hot pink, ruffled mini dress, and the other set was in burgundy (better color than that pink, but...), matronly floor-length coat-dress. Crazy. The MOH and I were amazed. My ladies will be wearing black dresses and black shoes of their own choosing; I can't fathom asking anyone to buy a hideous dress they'd never wear again. What a waste of money!

After a half-hour power tour through the exhibition (some of the photos made us weepy; she's such an amazing photographer), we zoomed over to the Metreon for what we all anticipated would be a terrible but fun movie. We each got a $1 massage in one of the automatic massage chairs. That was bizarre--we were giggling and yelping. Then we all crammed in and took photos in a photobooth. After that, my bridesmaid attempted to win me a stuffed animal from one of those coin operated claw machines. We were totally robbed--she had that panda all lined up with the claw, but the thing just wouldn't grip it. Robbed!

Finally we got upstairs and saw the movie. It was a bit better than all of us expected. Patrick Dempsey's much cuter than he was in his Loverboy days, that's for sure! It was entertaining fluff and we all had a good time.

After the movie we rushed to the mall to try to get to Out the Door before it closed, but to no avail. We ended up eating mediocre thai food and then yummy gelato to finish it off--no girl outing is complete without sweets, right?

It was a really fun day with my ladies. Hooray!

(Sydney Pollack plays Patrick's dad in the movie, so it was startling to read that he died yesterday. Weird to think we probably just watched the very last project he completed.)

Setting the (Other) Date

I have been dragging this past couple of weeks, thanks to being out of town and then getting sick (bleah), but I'm here! I couldn't stay away for too long.

The wedding stuff all feels very far away sometimes. I get disheartened; like, why even try to plan when there's no way we can make a decision? And we've had no luck thus far trying to find a non-football impacted venue to even look at. Le sigh.

However, we actually did make a decision yesterday (I think!). We picked a date for our engagement party. This party has been pushed out time and again because of how long it took us to get our guest list together, and then everyone was too busy to discuss dates, and then, and then, and then...but we did it. We picked a date in July, which hopefully gives people time to purchase airfare if they'd like to fly in. Hoorah! I'm just waiting for the MOH, my bridesmaid, and one of our friends to send out the Evite/invites now.

It feels good to get something on the calendar. We're having it at the MOH's house and I believe it's going to be a Halloween in July-themed party...she has tons of decorations she can put up. I don't think we're making people dress up, though, but as you all know, I love a theme.

I'm really excited to get all our friends (and hopefully family, if they can make it) together to pre-celebrate an event that will be 12 years in the making! It lifts my heart.